Published Monthly

From the Editor (October 2006)
by Michael Haislip

When I was a young black man growing up in Harlem, I always dreamed I would grow up to become president of the NAACP, and lead my people to the Promised Land. Then, my medicine kicked in and I realized I was a white guy from Tennessee. This was problematic, as it meant I had to resign my seat on the Congressional Black Caucus. Also, it meant my assumed identity of Leroy Jones would no longer be viable for dodging creditors.

Yes, even the editor of such a wildly successful magazine as AntiMuse is buried under heaps of consumer debt. In fact, this very debt is the reason I’m forced to roll bums in alleyways for pocket change. Wild Irish Rose is expensive.

I found out just how buried I was when I printed my credit report from Go ahead and try it. It’s a government-mandated site, not one of those scam credit report sites that sign you up for monthly subscriptions to credit monitoring services or Russian mail-order bride directories. Let me tell you from experience, return postage on those mail-order brides is a bitch.

Just browsing the list of my creditors revealed a cornucopia of financial surprises. It’s like a surprise party in my checkbook, and everyone brought me a lien! Apparently, I owe MCI $51 for something, and I really hope that’s the phone company and not some kinky web site. Then there’s a charged-off debt from, which I know is not a phone company, but wouldn’t the world be a better place if it were?

So what’s the lesson here, kiddies? We learned that your assumed identity should match your race. Also, we learned that everyone should get their free annual credit report. Yes, you, too, can look upon your financial history in abject horror as it emerges from your printer, a printer which you’re probably still paying off at twenty-three percent interest. Have fun.

Michael Haislip is the editor of AntiMuse. For 6 years, he published the cult favorite American Assassin magazine, churning out almost 1000 pages of commentary and humor in that span. In lieu of flowers, he asks that you send alcohol. He also wishes it known that he has the longest biography out of all the staff writers.


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