Published Monthly

From the Editor (September 2005)
by Michael Haislip

Repent, Harlequin! Said the Ticktockman

I entered Quik Mart #137 at 9:20 AM.

The Cashier Chick stared at me for a second. "Aren't you late?"

"Eh, 9 A.M., 9:20 A.M. What's it really matter when the end comes?"

"What can I get you?"

"Two sausages with accompanying biscuits."

She glanced at the remaining breakfast items under the heat lamps. "We're out. Sorry. Want some lunch?"

Lunch at this hour? Was she some sort of early riser who ate breakfast at 4 AM? What freak of circadian rythms was I negotiating with?


I entered MegaFacelessInsuranceCoLLC at 9:25 A.M.

My Bitter Co-Worker glared at me. "Aren't you late?"

I slumped into a chair and ignored him. I stared straight ahead at the wall clock.

He, however, was not disuaded by mere silence. "Punctuality is next to godliness."

The mangled cliche got to me. "When the universe reaches maximum entropy, your concept of time will be meaningless. You'll also be dead. So, yes, I'm late, but that's really a moot point considering the impending heat death our universe will suffer. Where is your god now?" I still stared at the wall clock.


The beer store clerk looked at his watch. "Hitting it before noon?"

"Just give me the damn beer."

Michael Haislip is the editor of AntiMuse. For 6 years, he published the cult favorite American Assassin magazine, churning out almost 1000 pages of commentary and humor in that span. In his spare time, Michael is a freelance writer and musician. He also wishes it known that he has the longest biography out of all the staff writers.


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