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Autumn Assassinations

Autumn is traditionally the time for American elections. Coincidentally, it’s also the time for presidential assassination attempts. Here’s a list of assassination attempts that occurred between September and December.

Successful attempts

1. William McKinley (September 6, 1901)

President McKinley toured the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, New York. During McKinley’s post-tour meet-and-greet with the public, Leon Czolgosz fired two shots from a .32 caliber Johnson revolver into the corpulent McKinley.

2. John F. Kennedy (November 22, 1963)

Aliens in league with the Communists and Oliver Stone used their transporter ray to beam a small explosive charge into Kennedy’s head. To cover their three-toed extraterrestrial tracks, the aliens mind-melded with Lee Harvey Oswald and convinced him to take the blame.

Not quite successful attempts

1. Gerald Ford (September 5 and 22, 1975)

Nobody liked Gerald Ford. The first attempt on Ford’s life occurred in Sacramento. Squeaky Fromme, a former acolyte of Charles Manson, pulled a .45 caliber pistol, but he was restrained by Secret Service agents before he could fire. The second attempt on Ford came just three weeks later in San Francisco, where Sara Jane Moore shot at and missed Ford.

2. Teddy Roosevelt (October 14, 1912)

Stories say that John Schrank dreamed that William McKinley came to him and instructed him to shoot the president. So he did. Schrank shot Roosevelt in the chest, but the massive speech Roosevelt carried in his jacket pocket stopped the bullet.

3. Bill Clinton (October 29, 1994)

Francisco Duran fired 27 shots at several men standing outside the White House in the hope that one of them was Clinton. He was tackled by a tourist and later sentenced to life in prison.

4. Harry Truman (November 1, 1950)

While taking a nap in Blair House, across the street from the White House, a duo of Puerto Rican nationalists stormed the building. In the firefight with police and Secret Service agents, two people died, including one of the Puerto Ricans.

 

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