From the Editor (August 2005)
by Michael Haislip

I’ll start this issue with a basic premise: names are important. Economist Steven Levitt says that a baby’s name indicates the parents’ socio-economic and educational background. The name Marie-Claire is popular among high society, whereas Angel, Heaven and Misty are basically reserved for women who jump out of giant cakes.

In fiction, names matter, too. Good character names mean that a story will be sipping champagne with tycoons and celebrities. Bad character names doom a story to grinding the pole at the Booby Bungalow.

I bring this up for two reasons:

1. A recent rash of births among my peers has yielded some terrible baby names
2. A recent batch of short fiction in my favorite publications has yielded some crappy character names

You see, creating children is like creating fictional characters. Both are usually done while intoxicated, and this should be avoided. It inevitably leads to regretful mornings after, bitter lawsuits and weird stains on the bed. It also leads to trendy-yet-mundane names such as Hunter or Dylan or even Hunter-Dylan. The only name that should ever follow “Hunter” is “Gatherer.” If your child/character isn’t hunting mastadons or gathering berries, then think of another name.

But I tire of this discussion. I have a birthday coming up, and I need to pre-order my birthday cake. It’ll be filled with creamy Misty goodness.

Michael Haislip is the editor of AntiMuse. For 6 years, he published the cult favorite American Assassin magazine, churning out almost 1000 pages of commentary and humor in that span. In his spare time, Michael is a freelance writer and musician. He also wishes it known that he has the longest biography out of all the staff writers.